


All You Get is Me

by DianaMoon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Bisexuality, Blow Jobs, Costume Parties & Masquerades, Crossdressing, Dancing, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Frottage, Genderplay, Gift Fic, Holidays, M/M, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Post-War, Pre-Canon, Queer Themes, Snupin Santa Fest, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-17
Updated: 2008-12-17
Packaged: 2017-11-02 23:27:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DianaMoon/pseuds/DianaMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moony and I could never agree on anything. After the war I wanted to give up and he wanted to forget. I wanted something different and he wanted it to be like before. But when she appeared, that all changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All You Get is Me

**Author's Note:**

> 2012 Note: I wrote this long before I learned more about what I was trying to imply with the gender personalities and orientations. It was something I wanted to explore but didn't have the chance to do any proper research. I still think I did rather well despite that and mean no offense. 
> 
> Original Notes: Want to thank a couple of people who looked over this and gave me a few pointers. You know who you are! =D Any remaining mistakes are my own. Thanks so much to the mods also, your ever growing patience and understanding are what makes this fest fantastic.  
> Pikkalam_sri, I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It's not exactly a holiday encounter like you asked, but holidays are mentioned. =D Happy Holidays and Happy Reading!

I didn’t celebrate the Christmas following the defeat of Voldemort. With my friends (Moony’s pack) gone, be it murder or betrayal, I did not see the point. Instead, I spent the final weeks of the year wallowing in self-pity. I felt like I was a man without country, a freed prisoner without purpose. I was lost. With the happiness the war’s end brought to others, it only brought me sorrow.

So, soon after, I closed my heart up and fell off the grid, as they say. Safe in the forests, I allowed Moony to reign free and mourn the loss of his pack, our family. It was reckless, letting Moony out on the full moon even if there weren’t humans around for miles, but he needed it. We both needed it. 

I spent most of my days wandering in and out of villages all over the country, offering whatever services I could for some food and lodging. Most of my evenings were spent in the taverns. Even with my friends gone, I never had the nerve to drink to excess like Pads & Prongs used to. I only had enough to forget my sorrows or, if someone caught my fancy, just enough to try my luck with the guy.

When the Full was near, Moony’s tastes would lead me towards a bird, which usually caused me to imbibe more alcohol. Really, it was the only way to be able to properly bed women, as I only had eyes for men. But as my luck would have it, Moony only wanted women. It took a few years after puberty to make a compromise. Whenever I had the chance, if it was nearing the Full, I’d give him the satisfaction as it was never likely he’d find a female wolf in the Forbidden Forest (or shackled in a dungeon, post Hogwarts). One of the benefits of this was he didn’t seem as violent after the transformations.

This was my routine for months. Then one night, I believe some time after Boxing Day, I saw an old friend come into a tavern I had been frequenting for a while. I was surprised to see Kingsley this far up north, new Aurors such as him were usually assigned to their local districts. I was having supper in a booth opposite the door; he recognized me instantly and came over to sit across from me. I almost didn’t recognize him. He was sporting a lengthy mane of hair, tied to the side. He caught me staring and pulled on a tress.

“Muggle wig.” He chuckled when I visibly relaxed and grinned. “It’s been a while, Remus. Save for Albus, everyone was worried you might have escaped across the pond.”

“I’d never do anything that drastic. Just needed to get away from it all for a while.” I took a bite of my food.

He nodded, understanding.

“What brings you around here? Got another promotion already?”

Kingsley waved a waitress down, one that Moony had been wanting since I came in, and ordered a house brew before answering.

“Something like that. Having been an Order member, I’m more likely to recognize a Death Eater so they sent me after a tip that one of ‘em had run off to this area.”

I gripped my drink and Moony growled within. This close to the Full, it wouldn’t do either of us good if we were this agitated, so I counted to ten and took a swig. 

“I take it then that you’ve not seen or heard anything to indicate a rogue wizard in the area?” He sighed when I shook my head. The waitress delivered Kingsley’s drink, refilled mine and walked off. Kingsley drank his in one go.

“If I do, I’ll get in touch with you. I’ll try not to take their head off before hand.”

“Good to hear.” He smiled at that and stood up as he left a few coins for the drink and then leaned over to me. “Listen, I’m not going to pry, as Lord knows, we all need to cope with our losses in our own way. But it has been months. A new year is about to begin. Might be good for you to be among familiar and friendly faces. Start it off in a positive way.”

“Hey…I’ve gotten to be familiar with some people around here, and they certainly are friendly,” I joked, nodding towards our waitress.

“Not the same, mate. Course not saying to just Apparate back in and live your life like all’s well when it’s not but… baby steps, you know?”

He did have a point. I was getting tired of the whole lone wolf thing, Moony too. We were never the sort to be on our own like this. This is probably why I clung so closely to my Gryffindor friends even after we graduated. It would be nice to have a go at a normal life. At least for a little while. I polished off my drink.

“What do you have in mind?”

* * *

And that’s how I ended up on the other side of England, attending a masquerade ball given by the Miles clan. They were a small pureblooded family who had donated money to our side during the war. This ball was only one of the many held after the New Year in celebration of a new era. One without fear of You-Know-Who. It amused me that the Wizarding World was superstitious enough to still refuse to say his name aloud. 

Kingsley and I were barely there a half hour before I lost him in the crowd. Of course it didn’t help that I simply stayed by the buffet table while he went to mingle with a few Auror friends. I’m not an unsociable person, but Moony still had a strong enough pull on me after the Full to be slammed with so many familiar and new scents of the people. It was a bit disconcerting at first. Once I was able to filter out my senses, I looked around. It was a typical party, full of drinking, dancing, and laughing. Merriment was to be had by all.

How the bloody hell did Kingsley talk me into this? For a baby step, this was just too much. All I could think of was the audacity of celebrating and having a good time when not even a year before, everyone had been mourning the ongoing losses of the war. Although my half mask shrouded my glare, I gave off enough negative energy that people gave me a wide berth when they went to grab a bite to eat. This was not good. I really didn’t want to bring attention to myself, and not like this. I quickly located the refreshments area to get a few rounds in me to settle my nerves. Three or four drinks later, I was much more relaxed and friendly. Enough that a few women asked me to dance. To Moony’s growing irritation, I declined them all. It was after the Full, to hell with placating my other half.

I was on my way to the gardens to take in some fresh hair when something caught the corner of my eye. I turned that way, the dance floor, and my jaw must have hit the floor.

The band was playing a fierce Flamenco number, but only one person was dancing. Even without the aid of heels, this woman was tall, maybe even taller than me. Her ebony hair cascaded down past her slender waist, curling only at the tips. Part of it was pulled into a messy bun, revealing a long pale neck. Her neck was the only part of her not covered, as unlike most of the women here (and some of the men), she was clothed head to toe. She wore a long black and green corseted dress that flowed and rippled to her movements. Her gloved hands seemed to flutter along the music, as if to distract her audience from her face. She wore a classic Italian mask, the kind with the long beaked nose.

I should have realized then and there who she was, but all I could think was how beautiful she looked. That too, should have given off some warning bells. For once in my young life, Moony and I agreed that this person was someone we both desperately wanted to know. Intimately.

While she danced, her thin painted lips were pressed into a small, knowing smile, like she had a secret that no one would ever figure out. When the song ended, everyone, including me, clapped and cheered. She curtsied and then hastily headed away from the crowd and toward the gardens. No doubt so she could have a breather. As I was close to the other entrance to the garden, I slipped out and headed towards where I thought she might go. I’m not sure if it was the drinks, Moony’s influence, or the fact that a woman was affecting me, that led me to where she’d be.

Like most Wizarding homes, the gardens were magicked to be an ever changing labyrinth. The goal would be to find the center, where the family’s prized flora would be showcased. Again, I was mesmerized when I saw her. She hadn’t noticed me as she was looking at the night sky, mask still securely on, frowning.

“For such a wonderful performance, you look like you were out danced by another. What could be so troubling?” I admit, not my best opening line, but it was better than staring at her like some stalker in the shadows.

She was startled of course but took a good look at me before she spoke. “I never expected you to show up here, let alone follow me out.” Her voice was rich and husky, and a tad too familiar.

I cocked my head to the side. “I’m afraid I’m at a disadvantage. You seem to know who I am but I know I’ve never met such a woman before.” I blame Moony for that line.

She rolled her eyes at that. “I’m Valeria. And you’re only partially correct. You don’t know me, Mr. Lupin, but we’ve met countless times.” She pursed her lips before grinning. “And this is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.”

Valeria closed the gap between us, much to Moony’s and my delight, and lifted her mask just enough to give me a long, hard kiss. I reacted immediately, my hands pulling her waist towards mine, briefly registering what I felt against my groin. I blame my alcohol intake for not knowing right then and there. It was only when I sensed a familiar scent coming through her perfume a while later that it hit me. I ended the kiss suddenly and stared into her unmasked eyes.

Before I could blurt out a “Severus?!” ‘Valeria’ took a step back, disappointed, and Disapparated. 

“Merciful Merlin…” Moony agreed to that sentiment.

* * *

In the following months, I returned to London and was able to settle into a familiar routine. James had left me a bit of money to keep me afloat for some time while I looked for a steady job, permanent living space and one elusive Severus Snape. From Albus I learned about Severus’ role in the war, acting as a spy in the second half of it. He had also offered Severus a permanent job as Potions Master and Head of Slytherin, but gave him this school year off. It seemed he and Albus had a hard time convincing the Wizengamot of Severus’ role. So, officially, Severus was on sabbatical.

From Kingsley and a few other people, I learned that Valeria first appeared into society shortly after Voldemort’s demise. She was said to be a cousin of the Princes and apparently a professional dancer, which is why she only showed up at various balls and festivities. I had to hold back a laugh when I first heard that. Although I witnessed it, still was hard to believe that scrawny Severus Snape, who always seemed awkward in his own body, could masquerade as an elegant and lithe dancer named Valeria. Severus was a tantalizing enigma.

It was refreshing to know that Moony was rather complacent to the idea of Severus becoming our mate. It had to mean something if he didn’t mind being with another male, even if only in spirit. I warmed to the idea of wanting to date Severus rather easily. After the initial shock of seeing him dressed as a woman had worn off, I didn’t care how he looked or dressed. I was attracted to him in either form. Knowing what a brilliant and cunning mind he possessed didn’t hurt either. The only thing that truly bothered me was how Valeria came to be and why.

So whenever I could afford the time or money, I would go to the events Valeria was sure to turn up at. But I never could catch her alone again. And even trying to approach her among people was futile, as she would completely ignore me and walk away with another person. No matter the phase of the moon, I could always hear Moony’s jealous growls in my head.

I hadn’t any plans of giving up, but I hadn’t expected much progress either. That said, I was surprised to find on my doorstep one night an owl with a letter. I opened and read the letter as I went to get a biscuit for the owl. In Severus’ familiar scrawl, there was only one line:

  
_Who is it that you’re really attracted to do?_   


I simply wrote _You_ below the question and handed it back to the owl. I opened the kitchen window so it could fly out, and hopefully, come back soon with his response. He didn’t write back.

* * *

With all the distractions I had since returning to London, it wasn’t till young Harry’s birthday that I realized I had actually been having a life. That night I toasted to his health and to the memory of his parents. When they died, never did I believe I would again have a happy life. How could I with them betrayed, Wormtail dead, and Sirius… Sirius being the one that made it all happen. That was one of the reasons why I did what I did, living day to day, never staying in one place. But that all changed when I met Valeria. She and Severus became an enigma that I just had to figure out. And that meant going home, starting over. I finally had a purpose, even if a shallow and slightly selfish one, it was still better than the way I was living before. And who knows where it could lead if I finally could get a chance?

I redoubled my efforts and was able to snag an invitation to a Ministry party a month later. Sure enough, Valeria was already dancing by the time I arrived. Being a costumed party, even with Halloween still months away, she had dressed up as a 1930s American flapper girl. As her hair was normally long, it was set in cascading pin curls. Beautiful. The Full was only a day away, so it was very hard to fight Moony’s baser instincts and suggestions to what I should do. I held my resolve and stuck to the plan I set up.

With a nod to the orchestra, they let the current song fade away and began to play a tango. I cut through the dance floor and bowed before her. It was bold, and very unlike me to offer such a grand gesture, but I could only hope it would work because she would know how big a step it was for me. It did. I want to say that we danced the tango perfectly, that I succeeded in seducing her with every press of my body against hers. I was never a good dancer, and even with the private lessons I had a week before, I still messed up occasionally through the entire song. I just hope I didn’t bugger it up too much. As she embraced me one more time before leaving, her lips brushed against my ear and whispered that she would come to my place in an hour’s time. I left the party to get ready.

 

By the time Valeria arrived, I couldn’t keep Moony at bay any longer. I pulled her into my apartment and kissed her roughly. Part of me worried she’d hex my balls off but instead she responded in kind. Better even as she shoved me against the door and began grinding her hips against mine. Though somewhat limiting with the layers of clothing between us, I still felt electricity run up the base of my spine. My hands wandered up and down her backside, while she was content to caress my face. Too soon, we both climaxed. We ended the kiss and one of us spelled our clothes clean.

I leaned forward to kiss her but she pulled away. Acting like what just happened hadn’t, she headed towards the couch and sat down, wordlessly. Moony and I were rather confused at this moment. Not sure where she was hiding it in that tight fitting dress but Valeria pulled out her wand and tapped it against her hair. It began to straighten and shorten to a familiar hairstyle.

“Won’t you sit down, Lupin?” 

It was odd how the timbre of her voice changed so much within one question. I sat opposite of her. But it wasn’t her any longer and only then did I figure out why it never fazed me to regard Valeria as female. Severus was _good_. Despite only the change of hairstyle, it was clearly Severus Snape sitting before me and not Valeria Prince. The makeup that Valeria wore looked stunning on her, softening her striking features. On Severus, who was now giving me his usual scowl, it looked nearly ridiculous. His whole demeanor changed. In that rich blue flapper dress, Severus held himself, unconfidently. 

“Why?” I didn’t realize I was the one to ask until Severus let out an impatient huff.

“Why what, Lupin? Why I go around town as a woman? Why I didn’t let Valeria stay out to play longer? Or why after _years_ of abuse from you lot, would I dare be here, let alone contemplate starting something with you?” He turned away at that last one.

I sighed and ran both hands through my hair. Moony had oddly been quiet. 

“Let’s go with the less emotionally loaded one, Severus. Who is Valeria?”

He laughed. I almost wanted to smile at his laugh, it was the first time that it didn’t have a hint of malice or jeer. “To put it simply, I needed an outlet. I’m positive you know as well as that being a queer in either of our Houses would not have gone rather well if it came out. Though I do wonder who’s more of an expert in secret keeping. It was bad enough after Lucius’ tutelage, to have to also keep my status under wraps. I naively thought after going to the Dark Lord, things would be different. Even when I began spying for Albus, things only became worse. I grew tired of shielding aspects of my life, thoughts, and feelings to everyone. I feared that if I survived the war, I would be lost.”

I shivered, though I didn’t know why. He still refused to look in my direction, his gaze fixed on a photograph on my bookshelf. It was a postcard, actually, that I framed. It depicted a lunar eclipse partially hidden by fog. Maybe he was reminding himself on who I was beneath.

“So when I was finally acquitted after the War, Albus gave me time off from teaching to collect myself, is when Valeria was born. She suited my needs perfectly. I felt dead inside, while she was vibrant and alive. Valeria can smile, be amicable, be sociable, and not worry about pretenses and old judgmental impressions by others.”

It was then he turned to look at me and smirked. “With the right kind of outfit, it also made it easier to pick up men. Though I never expected her to grab your attention.” 

I felt my face grow hot but refused to look away. “And is that bothersome, Severus? That you and her have captured me fully? ‘A wretched beast’ you once called me?”

“Why do you think I’ve been avoiding you until now? As my Head of House used to always say, I keep a lot of anger in me. I still cannot forget what happened back then, would normally keep it all inside and keep you away. But after failing to save Lily… I realized I cannot live the way I had. Valeria helped me to see that. It would also defeat the purpose of her if I tried to deny that for some bloody reason, I am attracted to you.”

Well that woke up Moony. Very much I would have liked to let him take over, and pounce Severus, hopefully going farther than we did earlier as our way to say we were attracted to him too. Despite Severus’ admission, I couldn’t let one thing go.

“So that’s it then? A few months of having me chasing you was all you needed to get over everything that happened? I mean, I would love to leave all that in the past and start fresh, Severus. I am sorry for the misery I caused. And to start something new, with you, even if in the long run it doesn’t work out, would be worth it. But you never took kindly to my darker nature.”

“You’re a bloody puppy compared to what I’ve faced since, Lupin. Besides, if you can accept Valeria as easy as you have, then I certainly can learn to deal with what comes out every month. Provided you don’t try to eat me.”

Moony had a wicked idea that I could not pass. “Oh, I might not be able to guarantee that.” I grinned. In an instant I was on my knees and between his legs.

“Lupin! What the bloody—“ He gasped as I nuzzled my face against the satin panties he wore underneath the dress. I groaned when he hardened. I hiked his dress up more so I could admire him straining against the thin cloth. Nearly positive my grin was feral.

Instead of pulling the panties down, I simply moved the strip of cloth to the side and pulled his member free. Severus sucked in a breath and tried to keep still. Think his hands were clutching the cushions. I took one long lick up from the base to the tip and blew ever so softly. He bucked and I caught the tip of him in my lips, barely missing my teeth. I slowly began to lower my head, going as far as I could. My hands rested on his thighs, my thumbs moving in small circles.

Moony wanted me to get on with it, to go fast and hard, but I wanted to savor it, to tease Severus until he was begging. I began to suck and move my tongue around, fighting the instinct to move up and down. Severus tried to move his hips but my hands were ready.

He growled out my name in frustration. I waited a few more seconds before I finally started to move up and down. There was a sigh of relief. I alternated from bobbing to licking around the base of his shaft until I finally heard a whimper escape his lips. I grinned up at him before I took him into my mouth and really let him have it. Within minutes his hands were raking through my hair and his hips rocking along.

Severus warned me when he was on the edge and I readied myself. As soon as I felt him throb on my tongue, I pulled him out and stroked him till he came. Severus’ hands moved from the back of my head to cup my face and pulled me up into a sloppy kiss. 

“Remus,” he whispered before slipping a hand into my pants. I looked at him in surprise by hearing my given name. Before I could say anything he grabbed my erection and after a few hard tugs, I spilled all over his hand.

 

Eventually we made it to my bedroom. Eventually, we did get some rest that night. I woke up the next morning with mixed feelings of happiness and dread. The Full was tonight and that normally left me dispirited throughout the day, which is how I not wanted to be feeling like I could convince Severus to stay past breakfast.

I turned to wake him but he was already up. He was sitting on the edge with his back towards me. For an instant I feared he regretted last night. I shook that thought away and slid to his side of the bed, then sat up behind him, resting my chin on his shoulder and winding my arms around him. He tensed only slightly; I saw that as a good sign.

“Just so you know, I’m still a right git. And you can’t expect Valeria to come out whenever you desire it. All you should expect to get is me.”

I kissed his neck. “And a good morning to you too. I completely understand that Severus. I know that just because Valeria’s around, doesn’t mean you’ve changed completely. But you’ve matured, hopefully I have too.”

He gave let out a snort. “Highly unlikely.” He turned and gave me a languorous kiss before standing up. I flopped back onto the bed. _Damn_ , I thought, _no morning quickie._

“I hope there’s something edible in your pantry, Lupin. You won’t be able to try anything on me till I’ve had some tea and breakfast in me.” 

“That’s not all I’d like to have in you,” I mumbled.

“I heard that,” he warned as he walked towards the kitchenette, still completely naked. “And not till after breakfast!” I smiled. As I went to grab some dressing robes for us (Moony didn’t see the use as we probably wouldn’t be wearing them that long), I felt better about the rest of the day.

* * *

After that, I didn’t see Severus very much in the fall. Partially, because he was back at Hogwarts, teaching the ‘dunderheads’ (as he liked to call them) how not to explode their cauldrons. And partially it was Valeria who would stop by for dinner or a night out. I reasoned it was Severus’ way of easing himself into something I don’t think either of us ever had. A relationship. Moony and I were happy about this turn of events, as once again we had something we could both share and experience.

As fall turned into winter, Severus came round more often and we stayed in more often. Severus preferred that only he shared my bed instead of Valeria. It was complicated, Severus and Valeria, but I don’t think Moony and I would have had it any other way. For the first time in over a year, I truly believed everything was going to be okay. And even if it isn’t meant to last, it didn’t matter. What only mattered was that right now, Severus and I felt alive.

When Christmas came around this time, we celebrated.


End file.
